If you grew up in an invalidating family, where your feelings were ignored, minimized, or mocked, it’s common to experience emotional dysregulation as an adult. This can look like mood swings, anxiety, a harsh inner critic, or feeling “too sensitive” in relationships.
The good news? You can learn to reparent yourself—to become the warm, validating presence you didn’t receive growing up. Here are some powerful tools for managing the emotional fallout:
1. Name What You Feel
Invalidation often teaches us to ignore or distrust our emotions. Rebuilding trust begins with simply naming what you feel. Try using an “emotion wheel” to help you get more specific than just “mad” or “sad.” Labeling emotions calms the limbic system and gives your brain a chance to respond rather than react.
Try this: Pause 3 times a day to ask, What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body?
2. Self-Validation Statements
Even if no one else understands or agrees, your feelings are real. Self-validation involves acknowledging your internal experience without judgment.
Try this:
- “It makes sense I feel overwhelmed right now.”
- “Given my history, it’s understandable I’m anxious.”
This rewires the brain to respond to distress with compassion instead of criticism.
3. Soothing the Nervous System
Chronic invalidation wires us for threat. To heal, we must teach the body we are safe.
Try this:
- Breathe in for 4 counts, out for 6.
- Splash cool water on your face.
- Wrap yourself in a blanket or hold something grounding like a stone or warm mug.
These regulate the vagus nerve and help shift your nervous system from “fight-or-flight” to “rest-and-digest.”
4. Self-Compassion Practices
It’s not just about calming down; it’s about responding to yourself with gentleness. Self-compassion is the antidote to the inner critic you likely internalized.
Try this:
Place your hand over your heart and say, “I’m doing the best I can. I deserve kindness.”
Healing from an invalidating childhood takes time—but every act of self-awareness, every moment of gentleness, is a step toward becoming your own safe place.
