Growing Up in an Invalidating Family: How It Messes With Your Head (and How to Heal)

Let’s be real: growing up in a family where your feelings were brushed off, ignored, or criticized can leave some serious marks on your emotional life.

Maybe you were told you were “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” Maybe you were praised only when you kept it together or acted “tough.” Over time, you learned to shove your feelings down, doubt your own instincts, and wonder if something was wrong with you.

Spoiler: there wasn’t.

What Does “Invalidation” Even Mean?

Emotional invalidation is when the people around you — usually parents or caregivers when you’re young — dismiss, minimize, or criticize your feelings instead of listening and trying to understand.

Psychologist Marsha Linehan, who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), talks a lot about how growing up in this kind of environment can seriously mess with your ability to regulate emotions later in life. It’s not just about one bad moment — it’s about the ongoing message you got that your feelings were wrong or didn’t matter.

Why It Sticks With You

Research backs this up: a 2015 study found that people who felt emotionally invalidated as kids were more likely to struggle with things like anxiety, depression, disordered eating, low self-esteem, and difficulty managing their emotions as adults.

It makes sense, right? If you grew up thinking your emotions were “bad” or “too much,” you probably learned to:

• Push your feelings down or hide them
• Second-guess your instincts
• Work extra hard to please others or avoid conflict
• Feel shame when you do express emotion
• Stay hyper-alert for criticism or rejection

How This Shows Up in Adult Life

If you were raised in an invalidating environment, you might notice:

• You’re a people-pleaser or perfectionist
• You feel empty or disconnected, even when life looks “good” on the outside
• You’re super sensitive to rejection or criticism
• You struggle to even know what you’re feeling sometimes
• You doubt yourself constantly and feel ashamed for needing help or support

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

What Healing Looks Like

Here’s the good news: you can heal from this.

Therapies like DBT, schema therapy, or inner child work help you reconnect with yourself, learn to name and trust your emotions, and start treating yourself with the kind of compassion you didn’t get growing up.

A big part of healing is being in relationships — including with a therapist — where you feel safe, seen, and accepted just as you are. That safe space helps you rewrite the old messages you’ve been carrying around.

Final Thoughts

Growing up in an invalidating family can leave some invisible scars, but those scars don’t have to define you forever. With the right support, you can learn to trust yourself, express your emotions, and build relationships that feel real and nourishing.

If this resonates with you, know you’re not broken — you’re human. And healing is absolutely possible.